It seems that every media outlet since the invention of Gutenberg’s press has done a charticle on the greatest shark films ever made. This, of course, is lazy journalism.
Spoiler alert: They all end with Jaws.
And while there is plenty to debate among the rest of the best, it leaves out an entire subgenre of schlocky, horrible cinema that have sharks at its center. Sharks, after all, have been the villain for dozens of b-rated flicks over the decades since Steven Spielberg’s seminal film, Jaws, turned them into pop culture icons. And while there can be valid discussion about whether the medium’s portrayal of sharks is detrimental to their image, and ultimately their conservation, there is no doubt that sharks make for great movie monsters.
Unlike many monster tropes, sharks actually exist or, in the case of megalodons, existed. Sharks are big and intimidating. They have teeth and, although rare, they have the ability to kill in real life. The fact that there is still a great bit about sharks that we don’t know, there is also an air of mystery about them. They are ubiquitous and can be inserted into just about any subplot; sharks in tornadoes, sharks on land, ghost sharks, robot sharks. The possibilities are endless.
What makes shark movies great is also what makes them horrible. Make no mistake, a lot of horrible shark-themed movies have been made since Jaws redefined the creature feature genre. For every The Meg, which grossed over $140 million at the box office domestically, there is an absolute flop like the 2002 film, Megalodon. For every Open Water there’s a Shark Swarm. For every Jaws, there is a Jaws 3-D.
That’s where we come in. The Sharkophile dove into the hellish underwater landscape to track down the worst shark-related movies of all time. Because of the sheer quantity of sharky schlock, we had to put some parameters on what to include on the list. While poor production values and absurd plots are a staple of the genre, that alone wasn’t enough to make our list. They needed to take the horribleness to a whole new level, whether by terrible acting, atrocious writing or special effects that didn’t even bother to appear life-like. Bonus points if they had a B-list celebrity make a cameo appearance.
Here are our picks for the worst shark-themed movies of all time. I’d like to say that some of these are so bad that they are great, but we both know that would be a lie.
15. The Last Shark
While all shark movies understandably borrow from Spielberg’s Jaws, The Last Shark was actually banned from a theatrical release in the United States because a judge found that it infringed on the original. This 1981 flick, which was also named L’Ultimo Squalo and The Great White, still managed to ride the Jaws craze to over $18 million in worldwide box office revenue.
Like Jaws, a rogue great white threatens a beachfront community’s tourism event. While shady politicians try to keep the beaches open, a professional shark hunter and a handsome leading man are tasked to destroy the shark. Of course the the grizzled old sea captain gets bit in half and the star saves the day by blowing up the shark.
The practical effects in The Last Shark are particularly bad. The bloated, immobile animatronic shark blindly chomping at the sky actually makes Bruce the Shark from Jaws look believable.
Star power: Vic Morrow as Captain Ron Hammer. (Morrow is best known as the guy that got decapitated on set of The Twilight Zone movie after a helicopter fell on him.)
Best quote: “One thing’s for sure, it wasn’t a floatin chainsaw.”
Watch The Last Shark on Amazon now
14. Piranha Shark
It’s almost not fair to put this movie on this list since Piranha Shark was produced solely with the purpose of showing up on lists like this. If you need proof just look at the guest cameos by Jose Canseco, including a particularly disturbing bathroom scene at the end.
As far as purposefully horrible shark movies go, Piranha Shark borrows directly from the Sharknado playbook: Take an absurd plot carried by cheeseball dialogue, throw in plenty of bad CGI sharks and season with superfluous celebrity cameos. In the case of Piranha Sharks, great white sharks are genetically modified to be the size of “sea monkeys on steroids.” Predictably, these nanosharks get loose in the city’s water supply and invade people’s bathtubs and margaritas, ultimately eating there way through their victims’ faces. Luckily, a team of derelict exterminators figure out that the sharks can be killed using Goldschlager liquor right before the government nukes the entire city.
With gratuitous gore, one-liners that are occasionally humorous and plenty of strip club scenes this one almost qualifies in the “so bad it is actually good category.” Almost.
Star power: B-list superstar and former Hercules Kevin Sorbo plays the Mayor of Manhattan
Best quote: “Flying sharks that can breathe air? Who saw that one coming?”
Watch Piranha Shark on Amazon now!
13. Shark Lake
You know a movie is bad when the most believable part was Dolph Lundgren’s midwestern American accent. Lundgren plays Clint Gray, a black market wildlife dealer, who is recruited to hunt down a pack of bull sharks that were placed in a lake by Armenian drug dealers. Or something. The plot is pretty convoluted despite being incredibly thin.
While the storyline is pretty horrible, the CGI sharks and special effects are even worse. The sharks looked cartoons floating in space and the scenes with SCUBA divers were green-screened into bad underwater stock footage. Ivan Drago does punch a shark, so it at least has that going for it.
Star power: Aside from the guy who was in Rocky II, I’m pretty sure none of the other actors had ever been in a film before.
Best quote: “I’m like super scared of the shark but so, so happy that you’re here to save everyone.”
Watch Shark Lake on Amazon now!
12. Raging Sharks
This film was originally entitled “Space Sharks.” Imagine the disappointment when audiences found out that this isn’t a movie about sharks attacking astronauts. Instead, the plot involves a swarm of sharks that go into a maniacal frenzy after they encounter a piece of an alien spaceship and begin attacking an underwater research station.
It’s tough to follow along with any sort of plot line beyond that because of the constant, gratuitous explosions, the editing that uses so many jump cuts that it may cause epileptic seizures, and the generic b-roll that never matches the scenes interspersed randomly between bad dialogue. Also, this won’t be the first time we see Corin Nemec as the leading man on this list.
Star power: Corbin Bernsen plays Capt. Riley. Zach Galifinakis might be in this as well but it is hard to tell since none of the actors are ever on screen for more than three-tenths of a second at a time.
Best quote: “I’m not going out there with those friggin monsters swimming around.”
Watch Raging Sharks on Amazon now!
11. Empire of the Sharks
Empire of the Sharks is a Water World meets Mad Max mashup that features an army of mind-controlled sharks in a post-apocalyptic world. While that may sound like the premise of a great cheesy horror movie, it should be noted that this is one of many Asylum Films directed by Mark Atkins that was produced specifically for SyFy Network that will appear on this list.
For a movie whose entire premise revolves around remote controlled sharks, Empire tends to take itself way too seriously. Even more surprising is that it may not even be the worst movie in its own franchise. Empire of the Sharks is actually the sequel to Planet of the Sharks.
Star power: John Savage as the villainous warlord, Ian Fien. I’m not quite sure this counts as star power but you’ve got to give credit to any actor that has over 200 film credits for playing the same nondescript, angry white guy for over 40 years.
Best quote: “You mean the one filled with enough sharks to make Poseidon piss himself?”
Watch Empire of the Sharks on Amazon now
10. Shark Killer
This one makes the list even though, despite its name, it is only tangentially related to sharks. After a diamond thief is eaten whole by a great white during a botched robbery, a South African crime lord recruits the shark killer, Chase Walker (played by Derek Theler, who may or may not be Chris Hemsworth’s stunt double), to track down the killer shark and cut the diamond out of its stomach before it can poop out the gem in the middle of the ocean.
Very little of the actual movie actually takes place on the water and aside from the opening scene, there’s very few actual shark sightings. The Shark Killer, who shakes off great white shark bites and bullet wounds like they were hangnails, instead spends the majority of the movie spouting one-liners while beating down the Cape Town mafia with a pair of tennis shoes.
Star power: Arnold Vosloo (The Mummy, GI Joe) reprises his role as the creepy bad guy mob boss with a fetish for cleaning fish.
Best quote: “Hey shark boy, I’m gonna break your fins.”
Watch Shark Killer on Amazon now!
9. Post Apocalyptic Commando Shark
After a nuclear holocaust, the Russians try to invade America with an army of half-shark, half-human super soldiers.This actually sounded like a promising premise to the shark-themed world of cinema. Then you realize that a bunch of middle schoolers with a camera phone could make a better movie than this one.
I’m pretty sure the shark soldier’s head were made out of paper mache.
Star power: The majority of the cast have this film as their only entry on IMDB.
Best quote: “Your telling me there’s a shark of megalodon proportions crushing and eating its way through New York?”
Watch Post Apocalyptic Commando Shark on Amazon now!
8. Shark Babes
According to Rule 34 of the internet, if something exists in pop culture, someone will make a porn version of it. Shark Babes is one of those late-night cable channel level films that just happens to be vaguely tied to sharks. In this film, a group of “sexy” scientists gather to study sonic shark waves that make women horny. That’s pretty much the entire plot.
The scientists never get on a boat the entire movie and the only time you see an actual shark is on a computer screen. Also, this isn’t a movie you want to see in high definition since the female cast is as haggard as a 400-year-old Greenland shark. The only redeeming quality of this film is the original soundtrack by Roobie Breastnuts. Seriously, it is the best.
Star power: Aubrey Addams plays Dr. Jessica (Addams filmography on IMDB lists Cum Fart Cocktails 7 and Armpit Worship 2 among her film credits)
Best quote: “Sharks. Sex. Sexy sharks. That’s it.”
This video is not available to stream on Amazon so here is an adult toy called the “Shark Teeth Magic Wand” that came up while searching for the movie (NSFW).
7. 5-Headed Shark Attack
When the titular shark first appears on screen, you might feel a bit cheated since there is only four heads on it.
Spoiler alert: The fifth head is actually its tail.
And while one might think that this little plot twist might affect hydrodynamics or the shark’s ability to simultaneously devour five people on boat while airborne. It doesn’t. It should come as no surprise that this cinematic gem is also the work of Asylum Films.
Somehow, this is the third movie in the multiheaded killer shark franchise that started with the seminal 2-Headed Shark Attack. By this point in the franchise though, the film isn’t just jumping the shark, it is lighting it on fire while doing Evel Knievel-style flyovers over it. At least 3-Headed Shark Attack starred Danny Trejo. I can’t imagine what’s in store for 6-Headed Shark Attack.
Star power: None. 5HSA is so bad not even Bill Murray would make a cameo in it.
Best quote: “Bringing it home alive is a whole other bucket of chum.”
Watch 5-Headed Shark Attack on Amazon now!
6. Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus
Any of the four –yes four — installments in the Mega Shark franchise could easily be on the list, especially after the original, Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus set the bar so low with its absurd scene of a shark leaping over 1,000 feet in the air to snatch a passenger plane out of mid air. As the name implies, a giant shark and a giant crocodile do battle across the globe while a team of megashark military experts somehow keep pace in a battleship that can apparently reach mach speeds. Plus this movie stars Jaleel White.
The franchise went off the deep end after this film, introducing giant shark-killing robots in the next two installments, which oddly enough made them more watchable.
Star power: Who could ask for more than Steve Urkel?
Best quote: “This shark just went nuclear.”
Watch Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus on Amazon now!
5. Mako: The Jaws of Death
This movie gets it all wrong from the very beginning, starting with the title. Despite mako being in the title, there isn’t a single mako shark in the entire movie. It all continues to go downhill after that. Richard Jaeckel stars as the generic brooding tough guy who, thanks to a mystic medallion, can communicate with sharks. He uses his power to become the protector of all sharks in the Florida Keys. Instead of being a sympathetic hero, however, the lead character comes off as a full-blown sociopath that uses his mind-controlled sharks to murder fishermen, strippers and marine biologists in cold blood before his pet sharks ultimately turn on him too.
While some of the underwater footage is impressive (there must not have been OSHA standards for cameramen back then), the majority of the shark scenes are composed of mismatched b-roll or actors wrestling with a clearly dead shark carcass.
Star power: Ultimate Bond villain and bane of SNES GoldenEye players everywhere, Odd Job himself, Harold Sakata makes a cameo as one of the thugs.
Best quote: “What are you sick? You’re a sickie!”
Watch Mako: The Jaws of Death on Amazon now!
4. Shark Exorcist
A demonic nun summons Satan to a small fishing village where he possesses the body of a great white shark. Based on that synopsis alone, this should have been the greatest movie ever made.
It wasn’t.
Star power: Haahahahahahahahaaa!
Best quote: “Normally, but we aren’t dealing with a normal shark here.”
Watch Shark Exorcist on Amazon now!
3. Sand Sharks
One major plot flaw of any shark-themed horror movie, is that, barring meteorological intervention, the danger of getting eaten ends at the water’s edge. Sand Sharks solves that problem by enabling the sharks to travel under the surface of the sand as easily as they could underwater.
Other than the initial novel premise, Sand Sharks is overly reliant on cliche shark movie tropes: A beachfront community is terrorized by a killer shark during tourist season, a plucky band of townsfolk, led by a handsome sheriff, must find a way to stop it while battling an unscrupulous politician trying to keep the beaches open.
Not surprisingly, the Scorcese of bad shark movies, Mark Atkins, directed this one as well. At least there are a bunch of girls in bikinis and and some bad CGI explosions to keep it interesting.
Star power: Brooke and Nick Hogan both make cameos. Unfortunately their dad wasn’t available to bring the Hulkamania on this one.
Best quote: “Sharks can’t swim in the sand.”
Watch Sand Sharks on Amazon now!
2. Ghost Shark II: Urban Jaws
It’s rare that a sequel will be even better than the original. Godfather and Terminator are rare exceptions. Most of the time you get something much, much worse. That is definitely the case with Ghost Shark II and considering how bad the original was, it is actually sort of impressive. Like its predecessor, a phantom elasmobranch returns to wreak havoc on a seaside community in New Zealand. All the ghost shark needs to kill is for a person to come into contact with water, including water-based lube and shower steam.
The actual ghost shark doesn’t make an appearance until the 45 minute mark of the movie. Instead it uses sentient ice coolers and overflowing toilets to attack its prey. Finally, the ghost hunter, who only seems to speak in Christian Bale’s Batman scowl is able to stop the shark with an EMP blast, or love. I never did quite get that part.
Star power: I got excited when I saw Steve Austin listed in the credits. Unfortunately, it’s not the one you are thinking of and there were no stone cold stunners of shark spectres in this one
Best quote: “The call him the ghost shark hunter. They say he hasn’t bathed in nine years.”
Watch Ghost Shark 2: Urban Jaws on Amazon now!
1. Jaws 3-D
I tried to warn you at the beginning; Every one of these type of lists ends with Jaws. While the seminal film in the franchise can be considered one of the greatest movies of all time– of any genre– the latter installments failed to live up to the original’s genius, even if it does eventually get a CGI makeover. Not even shooting the film in 3D could save the third iteration. In fact, it just made the special effects even more laughable.
This time the bloodthirsty predator has tracked the Brody boys, now all grown up, to a marine park in Florida where it proceeds to lay waste to an underwater observatory with people trapped inside. Somehow, the shark manages to swallow one of the divers trying to kill it whole. Surprisingly, the diver’s corpse manages to hold onto a grenade while stuck in the maw of the giant shark as it crashes through a glass window and thrashes around trying to get to the other divers. Even more surprisingly, Brody is able to pull the pin on the grenade being held by the dead guy without dislodging it and then swim away before it explodes.
Most surprisingly, this film, which was nominated for five Raspberry Awards, didn’t kill the entire franchise and that a fourth Jaws would go on to be made.
Star power: Dennis Quad plays the main character, Mike Brody. Also, Lou Gossett Jr should be in every shark film ever made.
Best quote: “White sharks are dangerous. I know ’em. My father, my brother, myself. They’re murderers.”
Dishonorable Mention (Yes, these are all real movies): Land Shark, Ice Sharks, Sharknado 4, Shark Zone, Raiders of the Lost Shark, Deep Blue Sea 2, Red Water, Sharkasaurus, Jersey Shore Shark Attack, Shark in Venice, Trailer Park Shark, Jurassic Shark, Jurassic Shark 2, Deep Blood, House Shark, Toxic Shark, Shark Kill, Shark Attack in the Mediterranean, Nazi Sharks, Ice Sharks, Shark Attack, Shark Attack 2, Shark Attack 3, Avalanche Sharks, 90210 Shark Attack, Nightmare Shark, Open Water 2, Sharktopus, Shark Night, Swamp Shark, Dam Sharks, Super Shark, The Last Jaws, Shark Swarm, Psycho Shark, Sharkman.
Did we miss something? Let us know in the comments or on Twitter @Sharkophile using the hashtag #BadSharkFilms. Stay up to date on the latest shark news and media by liking us on Facebook.
This article contains Amazon affiliate links. Sharkophile may receive compensation for purchases or rentals made through these links.